Aaron Stern's Blog

Leading Leaders

When asking, ”what is the best way to lead other leaders?”, it is important that we look in the right places to find answers.  Before drawing on business wisdom, sports analogies or our own experience we need to first look at the life of Jesus and ask “How did Jesus do it?”  

I am not advocating a return to the W.W.J.D. bracelet era, replete with a full product line at the Christian bookstore to make sure we can wear and plaster the phrase everywhere we go.  Rather I am encouraging that we actually look at how Jesus did things.  Not just, “what would He do?”, but “what did He do?” The goal is to pay as much attention to the way we do things as to what we do.  For the question at hand we must begin by asking, “How did Jesus lead leaders?”

The leaders in the life of Jesus were of course his disciples and there are some significant take-aways when it comes to how He led them.

Invite. One of the phrases that grates on me is “we need to recruit some leaders.” Is this the US army? All Gospel accounts describe Jesus creating his leadership team through personal invitation. The power of a personal invitation is exponentially greater than a generic call for people to sign up. 

With. Most likely, the reasons we need leaders in the first place is because a job needs to get done.  Jesus had the job of announcing and modeling His Kingdom but He never asked his disciples to do it FOR Him, instead he asked them to do it WITH Him. 

Relational. Modeling and creating an “invite / with” culture is an important starting point and sets the tone for how we lead those who respond. It communicates that you are interested in relationship.  The words of Jesus to his disciples when He says “I no longer call you servants, I call you friends,” (John 15:15) are very telling as to how Jesus led them. A prevalent leadership paradigm says you must keep a distance from those you lead. This is not what Jesus shows us. Over the years, some of my greatest friendships have been with those I have led.

Developmental. On a leadership scale of 1-10 I would say the disciples probably fell somewhere around a 5 when Jesus picked them.  Isn’t it fascinating that none of them were rabbis or proven leaders?  They all needed work. When I look for leaders I will take a person with a servant’s heart over a polished and self-confident leader any day.  I know their heart is in the good place for the process of leadership development. Servanthood is the door to leadership in the Kingdom.

If people get the sense that you only want them around because of what they can do for you, the relationship will be short lived.  People can quickly see when they are being used. We must build people, viewing the task as a vehicle for doing that. This means we have to be more interested in who they are as a person than in what they do. One way to help us treat people well is to refrain from refer to them as resources. When we view something as a resource we see it as something to consume and then dispose of. Money, buildings and equipment are resources; people are image bearers who are worth dying for. 

In summary, the leadership model of Jesus is inviting a rag-tag bunch of guys to participate in the Kingdom vision and becoming friends while cultivating the necessary character to transform them into great Kingdom leaders. Let’s do that!

 

A Chapter Closes: my last night as theMILL pastor

Less than 48 hours ago I gave my final talk as the pastor, leader and primary visionary of theMILL (to watch or listen click here). It was a joy to lift up the name of Jesus, celebrate what God has done in this community, see so many familiar faces from over the years and a blessing to personally hear the ways that theMILL has impacted so many lives.

For the past eleven years the only thing I have known on Friday nights is theMILL and my heart has been with and for theMILL community and the college students and 20-somethings of Colorado Springs. To not lead in this context in the future is going to take some getting used to. Giving my last message and walking off the platform for the final time was most definitely surreal but it also signified a chapter in the Stern family story coming to an end.

I have truly loved this chapter. All day on Friday I found myself brimming with emotion and regularly on the verge of tears. I know I will be doing a lot of reflecting in the days ahead, but as I have thought about and gone through this transition, one thing is sure…my heart is filled with gratitude. 

Thank you to theMILL community for giving me the privilege of leading you and walking with you.  For bearing with me as I learned how to communicate and unpack the Scriptures.  For catching the heart of God for the nations and being willing to go.  For bonding together under any and all circumstances. You showed your true colors in the wake of scandal, corporate trauma and personal tragedy. I am proud to call so many of you friends. I will carry the memories of Village Inn, the Incline, Ice Bowl, Fall Retreat, missions, road trips and so many other times together in my heart.  More than memories of fun times, I will carry with me the belief that a community can truly love God, each other and the world.

Thank you to New Life Church for believing in me and giving a kid who walked through your doors at 12 years old a chance.  I grew up at New Life - not only physically, but also spiritually. I don’t consider this next step a separation but a multiplication.

Thank you to Brady Boyd and the elders for praying with us and confirming God’s leading.  For sending us out and celebrating with us.

Thank you to my colleagues who have become friends who have become comrades.  David Perkins, Glenn Packiam, Rob Brendle, Jon Egan, Ross Parsley, Jared Anderson…this list could go on and on.  I don’t know who I would be without you. 

Thank you to Jossie. You are amazing! I am so lucky. Your support, strength and encouragement mean the world to me. You have always been in this with me. You are a true partner in ministry and the love of my life.

Not only would I not be the person I am today without these people and many others I wouldn’t be where I am today without them either. The process of saying yes to this change and the planting of Mill City Church in Fort Collins was affirmed and confirmed through many people in so many ways. This process was a picture of the Body of Christ operating as it was designed, by praying, hearing and following the Spirit’s leading together.

All of this is a poignant reminder of the role that relationships play in our lives in the Kingdom of God.  Relationships are not the end though, as highlighted by Jesus when he says we will leave brother and sister, father and mother for His sake (Matthew 18:29). Relationships do play a vital role in each of our stories which are then intertwinded with each other's and tied into God's story of redemption and grace. That is a privilege to be a prt of and so beautiful.

Even through the tears we are very excited about the road ahead. As God has gracefully closed this chapter of our lives He is kindly turning the page, and beginning to write something new, beautiful, and profound. Though there is a lot yet to unfold, Jesus is calling.  We are following.

 

Mill City Church announcement at New Life Church: video

This last weekend was a huge moment for us.  What God has been unfolding in our hearts for the last year has now become public.  Here is a video from this last Sunday morning at New Life Church.

 

 

 

'What's Your Secret?' is now available

Shhhh…. Is there something about you that you hope no one else ever finds out?

You’re not alone. Everyone has secrets—hurts, abuses, bad habits, fears. Big or small, secrets can destroy you from the inside out. The good news is that confession is more powerful than secrets—or the fear that keeps you from telling them.

My new book, What's Your Secret?: freedom through confession is now available...find it on Amazon, Barnes&Noble or at a bookstore near you.

Rethink Social Media

As we enter into the days around Christmas and relatives arrive or we travel to be with family and friends and the eggnog begins to flow I would like to encourage everyone to rethink your use of social media.  Though Twitter, facebook, blogs and a plethora of other things can be useful tools they can also contribute to the depersonalization of relationships.  Instead of being fully present at the annual family drive looking at Christmas lights or interacting with the person directly in front of you we often are snapping twitpics and dialoguing with those who we don't see or maybe even know.  So during this celebration of the One who entered and fully engaged our world extract yourself from the Twitterverse, go on an iPhone fast or a facebook diet and be personal and present to loved ones that you can see and hear.

In this short video N.T. Wright, New Testament scholar, discusses why he doesn't utilize social media.  Maybe we should be as thoughtful.

 

Eight Essentials for College Ministry

This article was posted by Justin Holcomb on The Resurgence blog in 2009.  I am reposting it because I think there is a lot of truth in it for college pastors (and all pastors for that matter).  The original post has six essentials - I edited #3 and added #7 and #8.

I've learned some lessons about doing campus ministry both the hard way and from great mentors. Here are the top six (now eight) things you need to know if you're doing college ministry:

1. Don't confuse the gospel with religion
To prevent doing this, talk about Jesus (who he is and what he has done) all the time. If you don't, students will think Christianity is really about something else, like morality, philosophy, piety, social justice, or a religious experience. If you start talking more about what they should do instead of what Jesus has done, you're preaching another gospel (Gal. 1:6-9), which is to put heavy burdens on them (Matt. 23:2-4).

2. Learn about sexual assault
The prevalence of sexual assault is staggering. At least 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime. And the numbers are much worse for college students. These young women and men feel crippling shame, deep guilt, and painfully alone because of what has been done to them.

3. Teach students how to read and interpret the Bible for themselves
This means giving a clear picture of the meta-narrative of the Bible.  Having a birds-eye view of the whole story helps one know how the individual stories and passages fit together.  Without context we run the danger of extricating meaning based on our experiences and feelings and thus making the Bible say what we want it to say.  The most simple presentation of the story of the Bible is the Children's Bible called The Jesus Storybook Bible.  We must also teach students that the Bible is not a book to be used but a story to be entered.

4. Be prepared to comfort students because of divorce and death
College students are at a phase in life where their parents seem to get divorced, if they aren't already, now that their children are leaving home. This is also the age when grandparents begin to die.

5. Study apologetics
Many students still have brain cells left, and they've been reading and thinking about their world. They have legitimate questions about who Jesus is and what he did and why he isn't just a good example. They want to know why they should trust the Bible as reliable. The immense suffering in the world makes them doubt either the goodness or power of God or both. They think Christians are hypocrites and bigots, so why should they become one?

6. Be prepared to counsel students about what they're really facing
You must be prepared to counsel about eating disorders, pornography, cutting, abusive relationships, and the lingering damage of sexual sin. College students tend to be the shock-absorbers of the myths our cultural sells. Idols are brutal slave masters.

7. Teach students what to look for in a church.
Students in college ministries will not be there for more than a few years and chances are they will at some point move to another city.  I find that I have a huge opportunity to shape their ideas of what Church is all about.  I want them to embrace and engage the local church, even when they can't find one that "fits" their preferences.  The Church is more than a social club for Christians and goes much deeper than worship style or service length.  Church is the people of God - a supernatural, God-inspired, Holy Spirit-driven, less-about-me-and-all-about-God-and His-plan-for-the-world community of faith.

8. Invite students into a story that is bigger than they are.
Our culture teaches, and our sinful nature believes, that the biggest story is our own.  History began and ends with the story of God and only when we allow our story to become part of His much bigger story are we able to become who God made us to be.

Parker's Paragraph about Jesus

Toward the end of my talk on Saturday night at theMILL Fall Retreat I read a paragraph written by my eight year old son, Parker.  He is in 2nd grade and learning how to put sentences together centered around a subject. Recently, at home he decided to practice his composition skills by writing about Jesus.  Here is Parker's paragraph:

"Even though there are a lot of things I can tell you about Jesus I will tell you three things. First, love Jesus he will love you back. Second, worship him he will be pleased. Finally, don't worship any other God's. All in all, Jesus is the best person in my life."

In the Gospels (Matthew 18:2-6, 10; Luke 18:15-18), Jesus encourages his followers to have child-like faith. I think we have a lot to learn from the pure love and innocent trust of children. Thank you Parker!

Do we Have a Man-crisis?

I have four amazing boys - Parker (8), Cohen (6), Brooks (4) and Smith (1) - and I take the job of training them to be men very seriously.  I am grieved at the trend I see in our society of boys not becoming men.  This has major implications on marriage, children and the Church.  I believe our culture has helped 20-somethings extend adolescence rather than transition to adulthood and the Church needs not follow suit.  We must reverse the trend!

Check out this video.

 

theMILL Turns 10!

10 years ago a group of college students and 20-somethings gathered together with the sole purpose of pursuing God together...and theMILL was born.  I am so grateful for the privilege of leading this community and for God's faithfulness to His people. So many incredible things have happened since the early days in the _tag Chapel and it is time to celebrate!

If you currently attend theMILL, have ever been a part of theMILL  or even just dropped in a couple times I invite you to theMILL 10 year birthday celebration. Watch this video and check out the details below.

Friday, August 13th: Just like every Friday night, we will gather in the Theater at New Life Church at 7PM for a time to worship and study the Bible. Worship will be led by Glenn Packiam and Bekah Wagner and we will finish the night off with some birthday cake! (childcare will be available)

Saturday, August 14th: Cookout at Memorial Park from 12PM to 4PM. Enjoy some hang out time with friends new and old, ultimate Frisbee and free food. (Memorial Park is downtown at the corner of E. Pikes Peak and S. Hancock Ave)

 

Q&A: living together before marriage

It was recently Q&A night at theMILL (for an audio of Q&A nights at theMILL click here).  The services are always random and nothing short of an adventure as over the course of 45 minutes I answer as many questions as I can on-the-fly taken from those in attendance.  I encourage people to not be afraid of doubt as it is a part of faith and to not shy away from questions as they can lead us to truth and faith.  I only get through a small percentage of the stack of questions so for a while I have committed to answer a question a week on my blog for a time. This is question #4.

MY BOYFRIEND AND I ARE PLANNING ON GETTING MARRIED, BUT WE WOULD LIKE TO MOVE IN WITH EACH OTHER BEFORE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

To be blunt, I’m of the opinion that living together before marriage is not a good idea.  Our culture and our human nature adhere to the belief that “if it feels good, do it.”  The problem with this philosophy is that it puts my desires, feelings and ideas of what is good ahead of biblical truth and tested wisdom.

Though the Bible does not specifically state, “thou shalt not live together before getting married”, it does clearly communicate God’s desire for us to live a pure life (I Thessalonians 4:7) and avoid sexual immorality (I Corinthians 6:18). If pre-marital purity is your and your fiancé’s goal, moving in together certainly isn’t going to make achieving it any easier. I think you would be needlessly putting your purity to the test by moving in together prior to exchanging vows. 

The Bible also clearly says that sex outside of marriage isn’t God’s way.  Again, not a “thou shalt not” command but made obvious by the encouragement to avoid fornication and to not commit adultery (adultery: sleeping with someone who is not your spouse). To live together and think that chastity will continue (assuming it has been preserved up to this point) is, I think, naïve. Song of Solomon says, “Don’t awaken love before it’s time” (2:7). I encourage you to preserve the mystery and beauty that is meant for marriage.

Please realize that you are developing patterns now that you will carry into marriage. This is your test-run. I am aware that you may “feel” fine about living together because you are “getting married anyway”, but I implore you to start your marriage off on the right foot – the foundation of self-denial and delayed gratification. Marriage is all about putting your desires aside so you can serve your spouse. It is all about laying your life down as Christ did for His bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:25). To do what you want is self-centered. As evidence of the need to build a marriage relationship in the way God designed it, check out these trends.

• 80% of couples that live together without marriage vows separate
• 60% of couples that are married by the justice of the peace separate
• 40% of couples that are married in a church separate
• 1 of 1050 couples who read the Bible together everyday separate

And heck, you’ve got the rest of your lives to live together. A few more months aren’t going to hurt you. Be patient.

What the Bible is Not: lessons from a children's Bible

 I recently purchased and read through The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones with my four boys and loved it! Not only do I deem it required reading for parents with small children; I consider it a must read for all ages.  The message isn’t only for the 4-7 year old audience but one that needs to be grasped by young and old.

I think it is so valuable because it emphasizes the macro-story of the Bible over the details and micro-stories within.  Don’t get me wrong.  The micro-stories are important but I am thrilled that my boys will know that the Bible is one massive story of love, rescue and redemption as they learn the individual stories.

Reading this book reminded me of the beauty of the Bible and I thought about the different ways that the Bible is often approached.  The approach is key.  If we approach something from the wrong premise then everything that follows is going to be off.  For example, if I approach playing football like it is a basketball game then it will not matter how well I pay basketball; I am going to miss all that comes with playing football.

So if the right approach to the Bible is the macro-story of God, what are some of the other ways we approach the Bible? Or to ask the question another way - What is the Bible not?

The Bible is not a book of disconnected stories. All of the stories within Scripture point to God.  They reveal a God with a master plan and ultimately point to Jesus.  Take the stories of Abraham and Isaac (Genesis 22), Joseph in Egypt (Genesis 45), the healing of Naaman (II Kings 5), or Jonah at Nineveh (Jonah 4). They are great stories on their own but they all foreshadow the way in which Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice, the rescuer of His people, requires a surrendered heart and the extravagance of His compassion.

The Bible is not a book of rules.  God is not primarily interested in rules.  There were some amazing rule keepers in the Gospels – they were the Pharisees and the teachers of the law.  These were the guys with whom Jesus was most harsh.  He was pushing against the notion that rule keeping is the bottom line.  Life with God isn’t founded on rules but relationship.  Relationship is the basis of a life with God and out of that will come a desire to embrace and obey the ways of God (I John 5:2-3).

The Bible is not a book of heroes.  We sometimes think the Bible is a collection of stories laced with flawless Biblical superheroes.  Take a closer look though and you won’t find any.  You will find people like David the adulterer and murderer, Noah the drunkard, Jacob the liar and Rahab the prostitute.  Are these the people after whom we are to try to model our lives? Maybe we are actually supposed to see ourselves in them and again realize how much we need Jesus!

The Bible is not a book of principles. One of the statements that grates on me is, “I used [insert verse here] to get [insert desire, need or dream here]”.  Are there promises in the Bible? Yes.  Is the Bible a book of promises that amount to guarantees that we hold God to? No. To approach it as such is to say the Bible is a self-help manual with some cool stories wrapped around some sweet if/then principles. Our American culture loves to turn everything into a product.  The Bible isn’t a product to be “used” but an invitation into a cosmic redemption story.

The Bible is not about you.  The Bible is about God.  Obviously it has profound impact on us but it is not primarily about us. We are quick to make life all about us.  Isn’t that the American way? Actually it is the human nature way.  To center life around ourselves.  Actually all of life including the redemptive work of Christ begins with, is sustained by and ends with God. (Romans 11:36, Colossians 1:16-17).

See You in Six Weeks

Tomorrow I am starting a six week pastoral sabbatical.  At New Life Church a sabbatical is given to every pastor for seven consecutive years of work.

A pastoral sabbatical is more than an extended vacation or a time to catch up on some sleep.  It goes much deeper than that.  For those unfamiliar with the practice of sabbatical and its origination then this description will be helpful.

God models work in six days and rest on the seventh in the Creation account.  He commands it in the Ten Commandments by calling His people to keep the Sabbath holy.  God establishes a weekly rhythm that keeps His people centered around God and His work as well as engaged in the letting go of things so they are not enslaved by the taskmaster of time and productivity.  The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan is a great read on the subject of Sabbath.  I highly recommend it.

In keeping with the rhythm of productivity and rest, Leviticus 25:3-5 says “For six years sow your fields, and for six years prune your vineyards and gather their crops. But in the seventh year the land is to have a Sabbath of rest, a Sabbath to the LORD. Do not sow your fields or prune your vineyards. Do not reap what grows of itself or harvest the grapes of your untended vines. The land is to have a year of rest.”

Not only was rest a discipline to be practiced every seven days but a practice to be embraced every seven years.  A continued reading in Leviticus even describes a rhythm of every seven  cycles of the seven years.  There is something to this 6/1 pattern.  God gives his people instruction to let their farmland rest.  After six years of producing crop and taking nutrients from the soil, the ground is to lay fallow for a year so that it can be rejuvenated and made ready to produce crop for another six years.  This extended Sabbath for the land is an essential metaphor for sabbatical.

If the land is to stay productive, it must rest from its primary function for a season in order to continue its primary function for the long haul. I love what I do and I love being a pastor.  I have been in pastoral ministry for over ten years and I believe I will be in full-time vocational ministry for the rest of my life. In order to do that well, times like this are necessary for gaining strength from heaven to complete the journey.
 
Here are a few things I am looking forward to during my sabbatical.
 
I am going to be disconnecting from functional roles and fully engaging relational roles.  We must balance life well everyday but a sabbatical gives the opportunity to focus on the roles for which I am indispensable.  I am dispensable as theMILL pastor (someone could fulfill the job description, probably better than I!).  I am indispensable as a husband to my wife, father to my boys and ultimately as a child of God.  There is no one that can give my unique, Aaron Stern, affections to them.  This is a time to focus on the relationships that matter most.  As I do, it will make me better at my other roles that are secondary.

I hope to be proactive, not reactive.  My close friend Glenn Packiam recently went on sabbatical and wrote about the reactiveness of our lives by saying “I don't want to live reactively-- responding to questions or emails or texts. I want to initiate relationship. I want to dust off the art of pursuit. Living in a relationally reactive way has made my love lazy. To be free of contact that I do not initiate is to be free to pursue.”

Life is full of things tugging on me so, in an attempt to be responsive and not reactive, I won’t be checking my Facebook, twittering, or doing anything related to work.  Shocking, I know.  Withdrawals?  Maybe.  Good?  Most definitely!

Some have asked if I will be nervous leaving theMILL for that long.  The answer is an easy and confident “NO.”  I feel lucky to have an exceptional MILL staff and leadership team in whom I have full confidence.  I have no doubt that they will carry the weight of leadership for the next several weeks with grace, being directed by the Spirit of God.

Thank you all for making it easy to do this and thank you to New Life for making a sabbatical possible.

See you in 6 weeks.

Introducing Smith Frederick Stern

On St. Patrick's Day, March 17th, 2009 at 6:39PM Jossie and I had the privilege of welcoming our fourth son into the world.  Smith weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces and measured 20.5 inches long.  We are so grateful that he is healthy and ready for life.  His older brothers love the new addition but are still learning that he is fragile and it will be a little while before they can use him for body slam practice.  He likes sleeping, eating and American fiction. He dislikes shots, being cold and sarcasm.

After the loss of our baby girl a little over a year ago this experience has been both sobering and redemptive.  We have been reminded of the extreme pain we walked through while seeing the new life only God can bring.  Where sorrow once reigned joy begins to peek through.  Where there has been mourning there is now celebration.  God is still working in our hearts to see the beauty in loss and continues to develop a trust in Him that is only strengthened through adversity.

We thank God for the gift Smith already is to us and look forward to many joys to come.

   

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photos by Jacob Goodlin (www.jacobgoodlinphotography.com)