How the Church Saved My Twenties

[Editor's Note: This is a guest post from Noelle Goodlin.  She is theMILL Women's Pastor.  She has a Masters in Counseling, a B.A. in Psychology & Literature and a deep love for Speed Scrabble.]

The end of my twenties is rapidly approaching – my 30^th birthday comes this December.  As I prepare to quit this decade and embrace the next, I find myself in a reflective mode, thinking through what has really marked me in significant ways.

 

Many pivotal moments could be chosen – college graduation, buying my first car, finishing my masters, traveling the world...even getting married. These events changed me to be sure, but I do not hold them primarily responsible for transforming me from an insecure teenager to a grown woman on the path to maturity. Not even close. The answer may surprise you. In all honesty, it caught me somewhat off guard as well.

 

I have been most changed by the church. Surprising, but true. I hold a deep conviction that I am a better woman, friend, coworker, wife, citizen, family member and follower of Christ because of the church. Statistically speaking, that statement alone makes me an anomaly. Barna Research Group finds that a mere 30% of 20-somethings attend church. “Millions of twentysomething Americans - many of whom were active in churches during their teens - pass through their most formative adult decade while putting Christianity on the backburner.”[1]

 

The odds were certainly against me. I turned twenty while wrestling with my mom’s battle with cancer. Two years later, I stood at a grave and watched her burial. I began my adult years with unbelievable loss and heartache. Easily I could have found myself on a road toward bitterness and doubt. Had I tried to do it on my own, that would likely be my story. By God’s grace, I landed in the church and it saved me in more ways than I can count.

 

Week in, week out, the church contradicts what research tells me and teaches me, and I believe many others, at least two key life lessons in unexpected, even subversive ways.

 

Dependency

Many of us remember the first time we signed a lease, took a road trip without our parents and purchased plane tickets using our very own credit card. We love independence! We spent our teenage years fighting to win it. Now we fiercely guard our hard-earned rights. But at what cost? 

 

Sure, my dad is thankful I don’t call him daily for his perspective on what to have for breakfast. Not all independence is bad. However, I know plenty of 20-somethings who feel more than a little lost with questions like “What am I good at?”, “How do I know if I should take this job?”, “What kind of person should I marry?” Subtly our independence leads us to believe we should have it all figured out. No problems, no questions, no needs.  

 

And no God. Rigid independence leaves little room for trust and surrender. Its root is pride; its fruit is isolation, preventing us from sharing the deepest parts of our lives with God and each other. The church reminds me that I am not my own mini-god walking around, doing my own thing. I belong to Christ, supernaturally connected to and dependent on His body (Romans 12:4-5). Humbling? It’s meant to be. When I get up early on a Sunday morning and join a service with other Christians, I acknowledge to myself, God and my community that I am in need of Him and them. Freeing? Beyond a shadow of a doubt. Gone are the days of mustering enough strength and courage to face the unknown by ourselves. Church teaches us to depend on others.

 

Faithfulness

We are a generation well-acquainted with unfaithfulness. Many of us learned it first in our own homes. When times got tough, our families’ collapsed and our parents often took different jobs, different spouses...sometimes even new families. The ravaging of our hearts is difficult to measure, but its fruit is everywhere.

 

We live in a sound-bite society which trains us to move on if the commercial is boring, the party is lame, or the relationship becomes challenging. Proverbs 20:6 says, “Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?” Church invites us to worship when we don’t feel like it, to befriend the one who is difficult to love, to engage when the service isn’t cool, to forgive when our feelings get hurt, and to stay when the going gets rough.

 

The paradox? We typically don’t learn faithfulness when life is great. True faithfulness is often tested and built by hardship. When my home church underwent a scandal, my first thought was “Get me out of here.” I wanted to escape. And I could have left. People would have understood. By God’s grace, I and thousands of others chose to stay. Church teaches us to embrace the discipline of faithfulness.

 

Ultimately, in my twenties and beyond -- church challenges me to think less of myself and more of others. It’s not all about me. Never has been, never will be. Jesus invites us to die to ourselves that we might be made new in Him.

 

Sounds like a life-long lesson to me…

 

 

 

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[1]Twentysomethings Struggle to Find Their Place in

Christian

Churches

. Barna Research Group. http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdate&BarnaUpdateID=149.

Comments

[Margaret Feinberg]

Noelle--fabulous post and beautifully written. Well said! Blessings, Margaret

[Pearl Martine]

The more I get involved in church and and the longer I stay around, God shows me that I am not alone. My lifes journey has taken me down the same path as you, Noelle. I am thankful I am not alone and I know that I have someone who can identify with me. Thank you for sharing your insight. I agree with you.

[Ashley Gibbs]

I dont know you personally Noelle, but Ive always loved hearing whats going on in your heart. Thanks for sharing this.

[Becca Browning]

Noelle - you are a woman full of depth and insight. Thank you for sharing your heart and encouraging me. You write beautifully! Speed scrabble tonight?!?! :)